Composer-in-Residences
I thought in this week’s blog I would talk about Composer-in-Residences, and specifically tell you about my experience of holding such a role with a national youth choir. This was a role I was lucky enough to be appointed to in 2016, when the choir decided to find a young composer to work with them for the year, as they celebrated in their concert season the life and work of Claudio Monteverdi.
If you’re new to the concept, a Composer-in-Residence, which often are associated under the banner of an Artist-in-Residence, are often hosted by organisations, ensembles and institutions who want to work closely with a composer for a certain period, often with a specific project in mind. The composer will be tasked with writing a certain amount of music for the organisation or ensemble, and will have the opportunity to work closely with the performers throughout the period before the work is performed. Composer-in-Residences are for many professional composers an important aspect towards their income.
I applied for this specific Composer-in-Residence role on a whim. I was only 6 months out of school when I applied, and so definitely lacked experience, confidence and knowledge in the industry. The application required you to send in 50 bars of a piece for SATB choir, and so over an Easter holiday I wrote something, and sent it off, thinking very little of it. I am immensely grateful that the board saw just a small little piece of potential in me, and offered me the role.
Photograph: Ulster Youth Choir
I learnt so much from the year I spent as Composer-in-Residence. In many ways, it was a really challenging role that pushed me to my limits. I’m not naturally a fan of being the centre of attention, and so standing in front of a choir of 100 people of around my age and talking about my piece seemed like the most daunting of tasks. I lacked self-confidence, and so when I received criticism and negative comments about my piece, I really took it very closely to heart. But on the other hand, I truly believe that being pushed and challenged in these ways has shaped the way I think about my composing now.
Back then when I received criticism I didn’t know how to handle it. In a sense, it cut me very deeply, and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself in front of people who seemed to know what they were doing more than I did. If you write your own music you’ll know that each piece you write feels very close to your heart, and so when you receive criticism it feels deeply personal. Along the way, I made many mistakes. My piece was difficult, potentially even too difficult for a youth choir, and in my notating of it I made several linguistic and harmonic errors. It’s embarrassing making mistakes. It’s so inherent in our nature to think that we must always be perfect at what we do. But we’re not. And in a way, I can now look back and see that I needed to make these mistakes at some point to learn from them.
Photograph: Ulster Youth Choir
I don’t think I’ll ever forget that feeling of elevation, joy and relief the night my commission was performed. It was the first time I had ever heard my music performed to an audience, and it just hit me in that moment what it really means to write music. It finally dawned on me why we do it, why we put so much love, frustration, tears, pain and hard work into composing. Because when you hear what you wrote on that page sung in real life, it’s like hearing a piece of your heart on display, and you’re so immersed in the music so that all your previous hesitations and frustrations disappear. Sorry to go deep, but there really is no other experience like it than hearing your music as actual music, rather than just the ideas in your head or the notes on your page!
I suppose my takeaway encouragement off the back of this slight ramble about my experience is an encouragement to throw yourself into as many opportunities as possible. Don’t feel like you should hold back from applying for things like Composer-in-Residences or Competitions because you don’t feel good enough, or because you think you might lack experience. Have confidence in yourself, and take the plunge, because you never know what the outcome might be!
Written by Stephanie Devlin